You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
