I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
