Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
