i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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