I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drunk is not a location!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
