I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
