Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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