SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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