Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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