Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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