i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
