dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
