I love black thongs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
