one two three fourrrrnication!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
