Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
