Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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