"it" just moved
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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