I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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