Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
