Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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