I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
