i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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