i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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