Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
