Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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