I can text with my tongue
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
