my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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