The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
