Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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