I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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