you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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