Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Operation Purity has been aborted
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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