you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
