No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
