I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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