You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Two words: nipple clamps
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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