She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
