17 year olds will be the death of me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
