there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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