It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
