I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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