I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
