You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
