Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
