The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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