He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
