It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize