i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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