I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
