Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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