we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
