I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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