Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
