I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
