Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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