If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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