do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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