have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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