...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
