I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
