Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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