you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
