I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
