Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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