So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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