Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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