She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
