I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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