i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
