where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
