One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
