I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
