I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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