Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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