My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
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