So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
