By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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