my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
